[[Notes]] - Topics: [[Teamwork]], [[Self-understanding]] - People: [[Jim Tamm]] - Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjSTNv4gyMM --- ## Summary - [[Defensiveness does not protect us from other people. It defends us from the fears we don't want to feel.]] - [[Manage your own defensiveness]], so that you can collaborate with others. - Recognize that [[These are good people doing their imperfect best to improve the world the best way they know how]]. - Be your best self. [[See the best in others and help them see the best in themselves]]. - Be self aware of your defensiveness. **Feel your fears**. Deconstruct it. Practice it early and often. [[The worst time to learn how to swim is when you're drowning]]. - Be courageous. [[Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it.]] - Feeling your fears is a process. [[It is not a problem to solve. It is a process to manage.]] ## Notes ### Insight into collaboration from chickens - "Chickens have a lot to teach us about collaboration." - "Star performers become the stars, not by being so good themselves, but by **suppressing the egg production of other chickens**. So they can look better, and they do this by **pecking** on them." ### Green-zone / Red-zone - **Green-zone** - Collaborative. - **Red-zone** - Aggressive. - Red-zone environments are **hostile**. They case internal competitiveness vs. external competitiveness. They product more red-zone behaviour. - Hostility breeds hostility, creating a [[Cycle of violence]]. - Green-zone environments are **supportive**, cooperative, and are highly skilled at cooperation. They product more. - **Be a green-zone person, not a red-zone chicken**. - [[It's not easy being green]]. But it's a lot easier and more effective than being red. ### Doing good - Hostility (red zone) may be the **existence that people are trapped in**. These are not mean or bad people. But they have to do bad things in order to "survive". - [[These are good people doing their imperfect best to improve the world the best way they know how]]. - They don't lack interest, they lack skill. The skill of cooperation. This lack of skill costs a tremendous amount in the **cost of conflict**. - Scale goodness by saving people who wish to do good, but are currently forced to do bad. [[Cultivate an environment where we can all do good, be good, and be ourselves]]. - Replace [[Cycle of violence]] with [[Cycle of kindness]]. - [[You can't compete externally if you can't first collaborate internally]]. ### Managing your own defensiveness - [[The defensiveness of our congress probably costs as much as our defense budget at the Pentagon]]. - [[Manage your own defensiveness]]. - "There is nothing that will help you become more effective at **resolving conflict and building collaboration** more than managing your own defensiveness." - [[When we get defensive, our thinking becomes rigid, our IQ drops about 20 points, and we simply become stupid]]. - [[If you reduce your defensiveness, you increase your ability to solve problems]]. - "When it (red-zone thinking) happens, [[We don't have defenses, they have us. They own us.]]" - [[Defensiveness does not protect us from other people. It defends us from the fears we don't want to feel.]] - When you're driven by fear, you react irrationally as you **lose yourself** in it. ### Fear - [[We fear our significance, our competence, and our likability]]. - [[Our defensiveness helps us hide our fears from ourselves]]. [[It's like putting whip cream on dog poop]]. - [[Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it]]. - [[Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it.]] - Pay attention to your physical external behaviour, which may be attributed to your internal defensiveness towards your fears. - Cultivate that self awareness and practice **deconstructing your defensive**. ### Steps to reduce defensiveness - 1. Acknowledge it - 2. Slow down (e.g. take a walk) - 3. Check negative self talk. - 4. Create an **action step** (to stop)./ - 5. Start over. - "This is a recovery model. This is not a model of perfection." - Doing this only once will not save you. You must do this always. - [[It is not a problem to solve. It is a process to manage.]] - [[The worst time to be figuring out how to deal with your defensiveness is when you're defensive]]. - [[The worst time to learn how to swim is when you're drowning]]. ## Original ![[Cultivate collaboration - Don't be so defensive-1.jpg]] ![[Cultivate collaboration - Don't be so defensive-2.jpg]] ![[Cultivate collaboration - Don't be so defensive-3.jpg]] ![[Cultivate collaboration - Don't be so defensive-4.jpg]]