[[Notes]] - Topics: [[Communication]], [[Perspective]], [[Connection]] - People: [[Julia Dhar]] - Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phgjouv0BUA --- ## Summary - Connect with people by [[Find common ground on which you both can stand on |finding the common ground on which both of you can stand on]]. Create a shared reality of which ideas can be expressed and heard. - Separate yourself from your ideas. You are not your idea. - [[Engage with the best, clearest, least personal version of the idea]]. - Debate ideas rather than discuss identity. - See ideas from the other's point of view. Allow [[The humility of uncertainty]] open the possibilities that you may be wrong. - [[Open the minds of others by opening yourself to them]]. - [[See the best in others and help them see the best in themselves]]. ## Notes ### Conflict and fear - "In everyday life, probably because everyone else is yelling, we are so scared to get into an argument that we're willing not to engage at all." - "Contempt has replaced conversation." - Disagree productively - "A model for structure disagreement that's mutually respectful and assumes a genuine desire **to persuade and be persuaded**." - (Debate) "...possibility that you could convince someone of your point of view, just with the power of your words." - [[Damn how much damage can you do with a pen]] - We not not let fear rob our voices - our opportunities and right to **express what we think and feel is right**. We must also not let ego blind us from seeing the views expressed by others. - We must focus on finding signals in the noise of discourse. Volume contributes to noise. It is only sometimes useful in the abstract. Value seem from taking a step back and viewing the volume through a different perspective in context. - (Debate) "It felt easier to me to attack the person making the argument, rather than the **substance of the idea itself**." ### Common ground - "It wasn't until I started coaching debaters... that I actually got it." - [[The way you really reach people is by finding common ground. By separating idea from identity and being genuinely open to persuasion.]] - To reach people, to **connect** to people, is to find the ground on which **both of you can stand on**. - [[You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offence when they are challenged]]. - Productive discourse involves being open to sharing and open to listening. The openness is based on a feeling of mutual trust established by any rules of engagement and/or experiences. - Bring your best self to discourse every time. Don't allow prior experiences to cloud your judgment or to close you off from having a meaningful connection. - "Debate is a way to organize conversations about how the world is, could, and should be." - "Debate requires that we engage with the conflicting idea directly, respectfully, face to face" - "The foundation of debate is rebuttal. You make a claim, I provide a response, and you respond to my response." - [[People who disagree the most productively start by finding common ground, no matter how narrow it is]]. - Common ground is discovered through an invitation into "**shared reality**". - "Listening to someone's voice as they make a controversial argument is literally **humanizing**." - Don't delay meaningful progress by avoiding conflict. Confront conflict respectfully to build a product path forward. ### Separation of idea and self - [[Engage with the best, clearest, least personal version of the idea]] - Remove identity from idea through anonymous submission - perhaps starting from the same template - to have no separate identity. - "Our conversations can be transformed by debating ideas, **rather than discussing identity**". - Debate enables us to "open ourselves up the possibility that we might be wrong". [[The humility of uncertainty]]. - (Ideas) "We believe that we own them and that by extension, they own us." - Carl Jung said, [[People don't have ideas. Ideas have people.]], perhaps suggesting that that is the default, and it is that of which we must overcome. - Productive debating involves a switching of sides. By stepping across the line, even for a second, you open yourself up to the possibilities that you may be wrong. - [[Practiced intellectual humility makes for better decision making]]. Objective with ideas and less defensive with criticism. ### Important questions - "What is it that you have changed your mind about and why?" - "What uncertainty are you uncertain about?" ### Opening minds - [[Open the minds of others by opening yourself to them]]. - "We need many more Mister Rogers". - See [Mr. Roger's exchange with Senator Pastore to defend $20 million in federal funding (1969)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKy7ljRr0AA). - When facing opposition, do not focus on conquering, defeating, or soothing them. [[See the best in others and help them see the best in themselves]]. - [[Stop talking, start listening. Stop dismissing, start persuading. Stop shutting down, start opening our minds.]] ## Original ![[How to disagree productively and find common ground-1.jpg]] ![[How to disagree productively and find common ground-2.jpg]] ![[How to disagree productively and find common ground-3.jpg]] ![[How to disagree productively and find common ground-4.jpg]]