[[Notes]] - Topics: [[Communication]] - People: [[Mel Robbins]] - Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ48GVMfvMg --- ## Summary - "[[Untangle your emotions from the subject matter]]". - [[Always start by acknowledging your own responsibility in the mess]]. - "[[Never go into a difficult conversations without an outcome defined]]." - [[Listen to and validate what the other person is saying]]. - [[Always come back to the outcome]]. - [[Find common ground on which you both can stand on]]. - [[Listening begins the moment you feel heard]]. - [[Engage with the best, clearest, least personal version of the idea]]. ## Notes ### Stressful conversations - "Stressful conversations are unavoidable in life". You may have to engage with someone who's really upset. You may have to do something that will make the other person upset. You may have to admit your own failures to others. - It's natural for us to want to avoid having uncomfortable versions. However, it's necessary that we do so. - "Especially in business, there's an epidemic right now of people who are unwilling to have uncomfortable conversations." - Address objective events. Don't criticize character. - "[[Untangle your emotions from the subject matter]]" - [[The way you really reach people is by finding common ground. By separating idea from identity and being genuinely open to persuasion.]] ### Acknowledging responsibility - [[Always start by acknowledging your own responsibility in the mess]]. - "By accepting some responsibility, you're defusing the other person's emotions, you're honouring them a bit, and it sets a much more level playing field for when you get into the difficult things you need to talk about." - Create a level playing field. Equalize yourself by sharing responsibility and to showcase that you do not intend to do harm. You wish to discuss events and their impacts on you in relation to the other person. You did not invite the other person here to judge them or attack them. - [[Find common ground on which you both can stand on]]. ### Define outcome - "Always have a goal". - "[[Never go into a difficult conversations without an outcome defined]]." - The outcome is vital because its conversation is going to be a roller coaster. - "[[When you ride the roller coaster of emotions, the thing that will stabilize your thoughts is the outcome that you're causing]]." - "[[You're having a conversations because this isn't working, and you want to end it powerfully]]." - You're giving someone not so fun constructive feedback because you're **committed to their success**. ### Listen and validate - [[Listen to and validate what the other person is saying]]. - One of the most powerful things you can do in a difficult conversation is to **hear where the person is at**. - "[[The second you validate somebody, they immediately stop defending themselves]]." - Once someone feels that you've heard them, they can start listening. - [[Listening begins the moment you feel heard]]. ### Restate the outcome - [[Always come back to the outcome]]. - Keep coming back to the outcome. - Remind the other person, and yourself, why you're having this difficult conversation in the first place. ### Conclusion - Find the confidence and the courage to start and to effectively participate in difficult conversations. - [[Difficult conversations is where the real work is]]. - "Difficult conversations come down to one important thing - The ability to separate your emotions about doing it from the things you actually need to talk about and the outcome that you want to cause." ## Original ![[How to have difficult conversations-1.jpg]] ![[How to have difficult conversations-2.jpg]] ![[How to have difficult conversations-3.jpg]]